Recent Posts

Monday, October 15, 2012

how I am currently preparing for my midterms

Well I am studying for my midterm on early Italian Renaissance art. So far this is what I have to show for it:

dreaming of better things...

And finally, dreaming of partying like it's my last supper. (yeah. I said it.)


you know I fucking hate children. and I just can't hide it. it's best to embrace these things about oneself.

(real post with detailed child-hating soon to come.)

Saturday, June 23, 2012

the science of baby-hating

It appears I haven't posted in a while. But that's what you get for being a slave to a huge retail corporation.

Anyway, I'm changing the name of this blog to something less offensive (it's sad, I know :( ) so I can actually tell people the name of it. 

It will still be the same blog but finally it will be updated more often since my boyfriend decided to go through one of his "king of the hill" (the tv show, not some weird complex) phases again so i have nothing better to do on my days off, except go on the internet, and I can only google pictures of cats for so long. 

So the new name is going to be "cats are just better than kids." Obviously. Unless you have a better idea??

Here's a picture that provides straight evidence for my new title, anyway:

See, this cat is easily better than this demon of a child. I'm pretty much a scientist. 

Here are some disturbing pictures of babies:

What the fuck is that kid smiling at? It's even worse that it's not a full smile, it's some devilish little future-murderer smile, sneaking onto his face, probably because he's looking at his mom get surgery or something. And why is he wearing that blanket? IS that a blanket? Is it one of those god damn hooded towels? Is he even wearing clothing? Why is it acceptable for babies to not wear clothing?????? They should be registered sex offenders, in my opinion.
You can find this creepy baby here. Although, why would you want to? I mean, I guess it's like how some people have that sick desire to watch movies like Saw.

Seriously? I mean, REALLY? What were this boy (girl?)'s parents thinking? Let's just dress up our hermaphrodite in angel wings, that's not vain at all. Yeah, what a little angel... Look at those little eyes, he's a fucking killer!

Get ready, this one's the worst...
WHAT THE FUCK? Is this real? This is just messed up on so many levels that I don't even want to begin to analyze it.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

how to make shoes

There are two things I MUST have. The other day I discovered a tool at a burrito place that would make my life easier in every way:

And then I found these:

If there was ever a perfect pair of shoes for a cat lady it's these. And I NEED THEM. Unfortunately they are out of stock so I'll have to make due...

(click the image to view bigger)

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

what it's like to be the clumsiest person in the world

Earlier today I broke an expensive glass (this happens to me at least once a week, I swear.)

Then just now I opened a soda, took one sip, and spilled it all over my external harddrive (cool!!!!). So goodbye $200 harddrive with all my tv shows, how the fuck am I supposed to watch kitchen nightmares now???

Yesterday I was at work and had just opened a soda, drank a bit, and then managed to knock it over and spill the entire thing on my pants. And I spilled it just perfectly so it looked like I peed my pants, but I guess it's okay because last week I ripped my work pants (my only pair) anyway right before I was going to leave for work.

The week before, we went to get my boyfriend's favorite glass from his house because he was afraid it would get ruined. So we finally got it and brought it back to my house, and it was sitting on the table for about five seconds before I accidentally knocked it over into a hundred pieces.

Oh, and a couple days before that, I had broken a margarita glass at Chili's (at least it was empty).

Also, once, the security people at my work told me how clumsy I am because they can see on the cameras how often I just flat out run into things. Once I even stabbed myself in the eye with this children's toy trying to figure out how it worked, but I think it's a little too dangerous anyway. Then again, I guess every child should have one..

Friday, March 9, 2012

how cats come to question their existence, also why cats are better than babies

First, Chauncey and Emma were little kittens.

Then Chauncey was very ill due to his worms. 

Soon, he recovered, and tried on some new clothes. 

He often insisted that we take him for a walk.

And he even learned to put on his snow boots by himself!

Eventually, we got him a real window seat, so he could be alone to contemplate his existence.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

the top five (or six) worst inventions in the world

number one:
FLIP FLOPS. these make me so upset, almost more angry than pants (but I've already told you about that). maybe they're useful if you live somewhere WARM where it is PRACTICAL but I live in Colorado, where flip flops should be banned. For some reason, they are still sold here in stores year round, so idiots like this girl (below) think that it's okay to just not use their brain and wear them when there's three fucking feet of snow on the ground.

number two. snow. I know, it's not really an invention, but I absolutely HATE snow. For now, since I am forced to leave the house and work at a job in the real world, as well as go to school, I have to deal with this appalling natural disaster. Someday when I am able to be a hermit and never leave my house, I might even enjoy looking at snow (from a safe distance, with an apple beer and cheetos) and knowing that I don't have to go out into the world. But right now I really fucking hate it. And I don't even like snowboarding or skiing because it's way too cold to be worth it. (Also, see above picture for the atrocities snow causes.) Also, snow is ugly because it all gets black and nasty in an hour anyway. Plus there's no way I can get all the way to buffalo wild wings if it's snowing, so I'll fucking starve to death.

number three. Jelly. I don't think I need to explain this one.
number four. Snuggies. okay, snuggies are admittedly not that bad, they're just so...disappointing. I got a snuggie for christmas one year (but it's snuggie for kids, since my mom doesn't think I will fit an adult one..Although she was right.) Anyway, snuggie could be better but it needs to have velcro on the back. Snuggies are just more irritation than they are worth (although they are fashionable), and I can't be comfortable and sit on my couch reading a book if my blanket outerwear is always falling off. It's not even really that comfortable. Now, the forever lazy, that's a good invention!

number five. Jersey shore. seriously? Why? Before this happened, I'll admit I had very low expectations for humanity, but this lowered the bar even more. Not to mention that people enjoy watching it, or that they will PAY actual MONEY to see paully whatever "dj" at a club, which is probably the lamest thing I can ever imagine. Personally I think I'd rather go on that "It's a small world" ride at Disney world, and that's even filled with screaming, crying, dellusional children. I just don't get why anyone would want to worship a group of bright orange people with nothing better to do than gossip about each other and show off how fat they are, or how much time they spent in the gym. I just don't fucking care, and I don't find it entertaining. Also, I am entirely disturbed by Snookie's ability to even exist in space, and by the fact that (probably) most people do not vomit when they see (or hear) her. These people make me very, very sad for humanity.

and also, number six.
but I would honestly like to move this one up to number 2. RUFFLES. I HATE RUFFLES! RUFFLES MAKE ME SICK!!!!!!! Way more sick than Jersey Shore. Not like ruffle chips, those are okay I guess, except I find the texture rather irritating and just not worth the kind of good taste. I'm talking about ruffles on clothes.Ruffles are the worst, tackiest, trashiest, invention in the world. (I think they may even be worse than flip flops, because at least those might be useful in Hawaii, although out of principle I never wear flip flops, not even to the pool (which I also hate) or the beach). The bottom line is that ruffles NEVER have and NEVER will look flattering on ANYONE. No one can wear these. It's a law of nature, like gravity or the fact that cholula makes everything taste better. Not even Conor Oberst can wear ruffles. Okay fine he could wear them, but I would be severely offended and have nightmares for a long time... But really, ruffles have no use but to make a person ugly.