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Tuesday, December 6, 2011

things that make me want to down a 12 pack, part 1

The other day a girl I work with told me I hate a lot of things. Well, I don't think I hate that much stuff. It's just that the little things start to bother me after a while...

Like when I'm trying to find other blogs to look at. I try clicking that damn "next blog" thing, and it only ever takes me to three different types of blogs:

1. blogs about religion (I'm sorry, but I just don't want to read about this on the internet. I need to be reading something hilarious that will convince me it's better to continue sitting in front of the computer rather than gather the energy to walk two feet just to put on a sweater.)

2. blogs in foreign languages. what the fuck is this??/ I can't fucking speak German! if you can then that's great but I speak fucking english. and no I would not like to translate, I'm on the internet for a reason - I'm lazy as fuck.

and the worst of all.....

3. blogs about fucking CHILDREN. you have to be kidding me!!! I'm seriously beginning to doubt the legitimacy of this "next blog" link. Is this all just a conspiracy to get me to somehow develop a liking for children and the family activities of others?

and the blogs with children as the subject are the worst when...

it's a fucking family blog. Seriously? Who the fuck do you think is going to sit there and read about how your two year old shit himself this morning? Or how hilarious it was that your daughter drank her orange juice out of a wine glass?

Guess what? I DON'T CARE. and I guess that would be a pointless thing to say...that is, if ANYONE cared.

You people and your blogs about children. Hopefully if the government passes that ridiculous law about internet censorship, they'll delete all the blogs about your families, since they make people bored of the internet (I didn't even know this was possible, but you fucking did it!).



So, if you ever want to know what kind of freaks are out there, Go ahead and click "next blog." But I warned you.

7 comments:

Dave said...

Your cartoons are very amusing - Dave

mary_smith said...

I've clicked "next blog" many times and I know what you mean. Nice animation!

hateschildren said...

Thank you Dave, and to mary_smith, I'm glad someone can relate!

Bellona of Avalon said...

I'm with you, Next Blog sucks. You are very funny in a disturbing sort of way. And I write about my kids and post photos of my cats, but not in the smarmy adorable fashion that many bloggers do to make up for their lack of writing talent.

theKevinRichardson said...

It amazes me that they're so many blogs about other peoples children...

What's so hilarious about hitting "Next Blog" is that I have a pseudo-Buddhist blog and the next blog is all about the children and Jesus. Just some bland average white-bread family from the mid-west. One would at least figure that with the google search function that doesn't accurately work that the next blog would lead to something similar in interest. Guess the closest I can get to is blog about scrapbooking. egh!

Anyway, I enjoy your site.

AWOLGina said...

Yes yes YES! To all of the above, lol. So where's part TWO of things to make you want to down a 12 pack? That sounds like great inspiration for a blog post of my own, lol. Things that make me want to buy a handgun perhaps. Hmmm.

Gina Jordan said...

I did write that blog post inspired by yours, and linked back to yours in it, at link pasted in below. Just wanted to be sure you got the credit for inspiring my blog on becoming homicidal ;-P heh heh
Gina
http://awolgina.blogspot.com/2012/02/things-that-make-me-want-to-buy-beretta.html